It’s a bit slow around here these days, so I thought I’d jot down a few thoughts about my depression. Maybe some of y’all might be interested in learning something of it.
Mainly, I’m just dealing with every new day as it comes. Some days I’m down. Others I’m merely lethargic. And eventually for few days every so often, I’m up to actually living. I like those days. They’re nice.
I’m usually lethargic though. Simply coasting through life on auto-pilot. Eat. Sleep. Work. Sleep. Play. Sleep. Lots of sleeping involved. And really no desire but to do what I need to do. Everything else becomes unimportant. Life becomes a bit grey in those times, with deep shadows where a depressed person fears to tread. It’s not that the shadowy areas of life hide anything, but that life’s heavier in those places, and drags you down. Trying to slog through those places gets you nowhere. If it lies between you and your destination, it’s better to find a detour, and should the need to return ever arise, then be it when the shadows aren’t so deep and murky.
Ah, I’m speaking in metaphor again. And it’s all in train of thought with some quick editing to clarify.
My thoughts on those lethargic days are never so quick. Rather they’re slowed down due to a fog in my mind that obscures what I want to clearly see, and confuses my feelings about any one subject that needs careful observation.
It’s always a good day when I’m clearly thinking. I’m simply more alert and creative then. My thoughts are as electricity.
The days when I’m down….
Picture the world with clouds blocking out all sunlight. Feel the rain. It is heavier the more turbulant my feelings. Anger is the lightening across the sky, which possibly strikes out into real life erratically, leaving damage and pain wherever it may strike. The howling winds can cause my thoughts to flicker and fade away as a candle light. The howling winds can also drown out the words of family and friends.
Those days…. Words have no meaning those days. Contact has more meaning than any book. A hearty slap on the back. A bear hug.
I should warn you to conserve your words to a depressed and suicidal person. You don`t know what to say. The depressed suicidal person doesn`t know what they want to hear, anyway. Careless words from someone whom the depressed suicidal person loves can really cut deep and terribly hurt. It`s better to reach out. Never abandon them. Bring them with you, or make sure there`s someone nearby who will watch them if you have to do anything (like call an ambulance). Simple contact with them is the single most important thing you can say, if you must say anything. It communicates everything you want to say, and even that which you`re having trouble saying.
Ah, now I`m feeling sheepish. Said so much there, and it`s really all just my own thoughts. There are proffessionals out there, although nowadays they`re getting too difficult to find these days with all the cuts to healthcare. Definitely get their opinion when you find them.
Wells, thanks for reading this far. Mebbe I’ll write on this again, whenever I gleam a new insight from my own condition and experience. Hard to say though.